Blaming others is simple. It’s human instinct. Blame makes you right and the other guy wrong … end of story!
The problem is it doesn’t advance the ball. Blame keeps things exactly the way they are and makes it harder to move forward. It reinforces and perpetuates a victim mentality.
Last week I wrote about the fight between Forrest and Wesley at the Black Panther party. Today let’s focus on Wesley and his attempt of an apology to Jenny for hitting her. He expertly places blame and makes himself a victim … he is not a man taking 100% responsibility for his actions and interactions. He is not being gumptionable.
A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.
John Burroughs
Are you using blame as an excuse? … is blaming keeping you from moving forward? … keeping you stuck?
The scene has Forrest saying good-bye to Jenny as she is boarding the bus leaving D.C. bound for Berkeley. Wesley approaches and interrupts their tender parting by offering this apology, “Jenny? Things got a little out of hand. It’s just this war and that, THAT LYIN’ SON-OF-A-BITCH JOHNSON. I would never hurt you. You know that.”
Wow!? What a great apology. He’s blaming President Johnson for his aggressive behavior. Looks like some people NEVER step up and take responsibility. Imagine blaming POTUS for you hitting your girlfriend.
Every man is the architect of his own life. He builds it just the way he wants it. However, after he has built what he wants, he sometimes decides that he doesn’t like what he has built and looks for someone or something to blame instead of changing himself.
Sydney Madwed
In my own life I’ve struggled this past year with wanting to blame the economy for the difficulty I’ve had in selling some properties. Yes, it’s true that this has not been a great climate for selling real estate. But today I fully accept that I’m in this position because of decisions I’ve made. I gambled when the real estate market was hot and would have reaped the reward if it had paid off (and BTW, I’d have considered myself a genius if that had happened). My choices alone created my situation.
The irony is that with this acceptance, solutions have been appearing and I’m moving forward. And it’s not that bad. In fact, some of the solutions that originally looked like bad options have turned out to be very good.
Wesley blamed President Johnson … no growth is possible with that stance. The President is not going to solve Wesley’s problems (or make him a better person).
I’ve taken the time to look in the mirror and squarely place the blame on the guy staring back at me. I’m the only one who can solve my problem. I’m taking 100% responsibility.
Are you willing to look in the mirror? Or do your eyes tend to dart towards others?
Next Blog Title: Jenny’s Heartfelt Apology
Next Blog Date: December 6, 2010