Stories of Gumption is a regular column that profiles individuals who admirably demonstrate Gumption as we define it. These are the stories of real people who exhibit gumption in overcoming personal challenges, and validate the spirit of Gumption during their journey. Let’s take inspiration from those who seize 100% personal responsibility and show us how to live a life that exhibits Gump-like character traits worthy of applause!
“Have a good life.”
Those were the last words spoken to me by my late uncle John Grabowski. I visited him in his Philadelphia home on January 11, 2010. Just fourteen months later, he was gone after losing a painful battle with mesothelioma.
“Have a good life.”
Those words shocked me as he closed his front door and I descended the steps toward the street. As I climbed into the car to drive off from my brief 30-minute visit, I wanted answers. What did he mean by that … My first thought was he was mocking me because I hadn’t seen him in years … I was marinating in my own guilt. I next asked myself, “Have I not been living a good life to date?”
I was making Uncle John’s departing words all about me.
Uncle John’s words lingered frequently in my thoughts over the next few days and weeks. Months later, I still remembered them exactly. “Have a good life.”
I came to realize those words were spoken in love from a man who knew he was dying. He knew we would never see each other again. He graciously and lovingly wished me to “have a good life.”
Now, how generous was that?
Here are few thoughts on why my Uncle John lived and died with Gumption:
1. Integrity
I worked with John for five years immediately after graduating from high school. John taught me how to work hard, give more than was expected, be grateful to your employer, and go the extra mile.
At the same time, he showed me how to enjoy the work, balance work with home life, and appreciate the characters with whom we worked. John taught me to accept others’ idiosyncrasies and peculiarities. All people are equal and deserve respect as fellow human beings.
2. Presence
When John said, “Have a good life,” he was fully present. He knew that moment was special. He understood that visit would be the last time we would ever see each other.
He had the presence to say what was standing in the corner of the room like a giant elephant … but few are willing to acknowledge. John had the presence of mind to say good-bye. I don’t remember if I said anything or simply walked away with tears in my eyes.
3. Receptiveness
John’s son, Dave, is my first cousin. Dave confided in me that despite the pain, his father never questioned, “Why me?” There wasn’t any complaining. John accepted his coming death with dignity.
Lee Anne and Cindy are Dave’s sisters. The three of them comforted their father and sacrificed their own busy lives for the past year. They all put their lives on hold … spouses and children were no doubt shortchanged during this trying time. But they did what loving families do. They accepted their dad.s coming death with dignity.
4. Choice
John married my father’s sister Anne. When John married Anne he accepted my grandparents, my mother and father, and my other aunts and uncles as his own family. Families are dynamic groups with needs, demands, and expectations. John was the perfect choice for my Aunt Anne.
John taught me that marriage means more than choosing one person. Choosing a spouse means choosing an entire family. I’m lucky that John choose to be part of the family I was born into.
5. Opportunity
John always loved children and never lost his own childlike curiosity and playfulness. My cousins gifted John with six awesome grandchildren.
John took the opportunity to enrich his own life during his final decade by being a loving grandfather. But even more important, consider the opportunity he gave six impressionable young humans … the unconditional love of a grandfather.
6. Adversity
John loved sports … the Phillies, the Eagles, the Sixers, and the Flyers. When I visited John for the last time, I was prepared to spend a few minutes talking about his favorite teams. The subject never came up.
Instead, John talked about his illness (because I asked), he talked about his kids and grandkids, he talked about his faith in God, and he talked about the good life that he felt blessed to have lived.
The lesson I learned that day was that sports are interesting and they are a part of life. But they are not what matters most. In the face of adversity, the most important things always surface. John shared with me what mattered most in his life.
Communication
“Have a good life.”
Thanks, Uncle John for being so direct. Thanks for saying what I wanted to hear from you. Thanks for loving me and not being afraid of sharing that love.
I will have a good life. It will be a life absent one good man. But it will be a life filled with the memory of that good man.
John Grabowski taught me by example how to be a man.
John Grabowski taught me how to make choices and keep the promises you make.
John Grabowski made me a better person.
John Grabowski left me with the memory of a good man.
John Grabowski loved and was loved.
John Grabowski left a legacy in his children and grandchildren.
John Grabowski lived and died with Gumption.
… And that’s all I’ve got to say about that!
Next Blog Title: I’ve Worn Lots of Shoes
Next Blog Date: April 7, 2011